This is another wacky story about the bookstore I used to work at.
Like any retail store, we experienced our fair share of theft. One day I'm in the music section and these two 15 year old kids are checking out some CDs. One was chunky, the other was pretty thin. Remember I was the music manager and basically knew when things were out of place or is something was weird. Well these two kids were suspicious so as they were walking to the front of the store I followed about 15 feet behind them. As soon as they crossed the security barriers the alarms went off and immediately those two kids took off running. Well, so did I. They took Amy Grant and I was pissed about it. So, like a movie action star, I whipped out my cell phone and dialed 911 while running behind the two punks. As they ran through the parking lot and crossed the street with me on their heels, I calmly explained to the 911 operator that Amy Grant was just ganked. They decided the 8 CDs they stole were too much weight and dropped them in the street and a car ran over them, cracking and slitting the discs and cases everywhere. AMY!, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At this point a car stopped to avoid hitting a kid. He saw that I was chasing them and they had dropped CD and decided to get out of his car and chase them with me . But, this dude was an old dude and slow and he ran in front of a car coming the other way. That driver screeched to a halt and started screaming at Old Dude. Eventually those two guys started fighting each other.
So I follow the kids around the back of the little strip mall across the way. By this time the chunky one was tired and had lost a shoe so he was just trotting along and yelling at his buddy to slow down. I just strolled behind this dude, his shoe in hand, and talked with the 911 lady, who I found out likes Amy Grant! I told her what happened to Amy and she got pissed. Once the kids ran around the little mall and back out onto the main street the getaway car pulls up. The skinny kid jumps in and Chunky who is still just walking gets left behind as the van takes off. So this makes Chunky upset and he start crying. Chunky and I get back onto the main street and the getaway car must have realized that they left someone, so it stopped in the middle of the street to wait for him. At the same time three kids, I swear they were 10 years old, jump out of the van and say they are going to beat me up. I told the 911 lady this and she starts laughing but asked me if the police are there yet. Her words must have been magic because at that moment the cops peel around the corner and the culprits all try and run and hide. Chunky even tried climbing a tree.
So, now I pose a question to you, if you've made it this far. The cops called me a couple of days later and asked what we wanted to do with the kids. I called the VP of the company I worked for and asked and he said "We need them to learn a lesson so we need to charge them with theft". Should this company, being a "Christian" company, have responded that way? I want to know what you think
Also, if you have not already, go check out my buddy Caleb's blog. He has a really great post on being Green. You should read it. Amy Grant did.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Friday, February 17, 2006
Now for something a little more less intense
So I was reminiscing about this the other day. Feel free to go back there with me:
So at my previous job at a local bookstore I was the music manager, assistant store manager....OK lets be honest I was the store manager. To do my music I had to receive the orders, update the system, blah blah blah who cares now. Anyway, much of the time I would sit in the back room with my good buddy Don. Don did the same thing for the books as I did the music. So we would sit in the back and chat away about mostly everything, but especially Carmen, Dino, and Krazy Kathy. Those three are just a trip together. We also talked about drywallin' a lot, which a euphemism for having a frosty brew. Of course some people working at the store just didn't like us talking about that, but we did it anyway, mostly to drive them crazy.
Well one day Don and I were sitting in the back doin' our usual thing and the supervisor at the time walked in the back with a new empolyee. This supervisor really didn't like us talkin' about drywallin'. The employee needed to know how to look up a book in one of the alternate systems we have. They were looking for a book by an author whose last name is "Pint". So after checking around for a few unsuccessful minutes the supervisor said "Well, it looks like Pint is not in our system". Without missing a beat Don quips, "I wish there was a pint in my system". This probably is not as funny reading it, but trust me, it was one of most hilarious things you'll ever hear.
Thanks for all the interest in the last post. If you are looking for some good reading on material that will surely challenge in your Christian walk I recommend, Donald Miller, he is the man. His two books are "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching For God Knows What". Awesome books
So at my previous job at a local bookstore I was the music manager, assistant store manager....OK lets be honest I was the store manager. To do my music I had to receive the orders, update the system, blah blah blah who cares now. Anyway, much of the time I would sit in the back room with my good buddy Don. Don did the same thing for the books as I did the music. So we would sit in the back and chat away about mostly everything, but especially Carmen, Dino, and Krazy Kathy. Those three are just a trip together. We also talked about drywallin' a lot, which a euphemism for having a frosty brew. Of course some people working at the store just didn't like us talking about that, but we did it anyway, mostly to drive them crazy.
Well one day Don and I were sitting in the back doin' our usual thing and the supervisor at the time walked in the back with a new empolyee. This supervisor really didn't like us talkin' about drywallin'. The employee needed to know how to look up a book in one of the alternate systems we have. They were looking for a book by an author whose last name is "Pint". So after checking around for a few unsuccessful minutes the supervisor said "Well, it looks like Pint is not in our system". Without missing a beat Don quips, "I wish there was a pint in my system". This probably is not as funny reading it, but trust me, it was one of most hilarious things you'll ever hear.
Thanks for all the interest in the last post. If you are looking for some good reading on material that will surely challenge in your Christian walk I recommend, Donald Miller, he is the man. His two books are "Blue Like Jazz" and "Searching For God Knows What". Awesome books
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
God offends me
So I am watching the Daily Show the other night and on comes the semi-regular segment entitled "This Week in God". If you haven't seen the segment it is really funny and always offensive. One of the highlights was about Christianity and how the AFA, among other certain Christian organizations, protested the recently canned NBC show "The Book of Daniel" about a priest with a messed up life. In it he candidly talks to a Jesus figure in certain situations. Well the AFA, American Family Association, called for a boycott of the show because of the realms in which it displayed the priest: dealing with a stoner teenager and a lesbian sister, etc. Supposedly this doesn't happen in real life, so the AFA wanted it off the air. The host, at the end, made the fantastic point that the AFA, a Christian organization, protests a show that displays someone talking to Jesus in their everday life while shows like Fear Facotr are not nearly as protested. I think the exact quote was " Guy talking to Jesus '0', chick in bikini eating pig intestine '1' ". What a lame point of view by the AFA.
Then the next morning the Today show had an interview with Ron Howard and his movie adaption of "The DaVinci Code" starring Tom Hanks. It brought me back to the days of working in a certain Christian bookstore and seeing the surge of utter despair as this best seller was, as many felt, taking Christianity apart. Nevermind it's actually fiction. Nevermind this Christian community has done the EXACT SAME THING with Left Behind. I'll never forget talking with a customer in that store and she asked me about these books because she was so afraid this alternate point of view would make her son question his faith (as if that is a bad thing). I asked her if she read the Da Vinci Code and she said No. She asked if I had read it and I said Yes. She was ASTOUNDED. Her exact words were "You're the first believer I know who has read the book...what is it about???" The Christian community backlashed with so many books about "Breaking the Da Vinci" code, as if Christ needs to be defended against someone's imagination. We just couldn't stand seeing this book which, if you read it, does a very poor job of trying to dismantle Christianity (if that was really the author's intent, a debatable point) BECAUSE NO ONE TOOK THE TIME TO READ IT FOR WHAT IT WAS WORTH.
Here's my point. Christians often us the phrase "Jesus was offensive". True, he certainly was offensive. He offended every notion of what the Jewish society thought a Messiah would be and every notion the Gentile community though a God should be. We use this idea to propogate saying "Jesus is the only way to heaven", not back that up with Christ-like love, and then say it's OK to be offensive because Jesus was. (I'm not endorsing pluarlism here, just making a point). GET A GRIP. Christians can't stand being offended. If we are made fun of on television, we cry discrimination as if we have some sort of rights here to stake or claims in this country. How can we say its OK to offend everyone else but not be willing to be offended ourselves? Part of it is because we attach things to Christianity in America that are not Christian at all. Take Republicans. Some many Christians voted for Bush because he says he is a Christian. That's fine. I don't dispute that he is. But I would also say that there was not a single ounce of political motivation in Jesus' body. But then when someone tries to combine a Christian and a Democrat people SPAZ. When the evil CNN network talks about Bush it must be wrong. So when we attach to Christ that should not be so and they are consequently challenged, we get offended. That is our bad.
God offends me. He offends me because my very nature does not want Him to love. I want to live for myself, find success and pleasure as I see what fit best for me and yet Christ invites me to experience His glory and love first so that those aspects of my life will be focus on Him, not me. This is offensive to me because I want myself so bad, not Him. Daily I seek His control to reverse this dichotomy.
I dare you to be offended by someone else. I dare you to go out and purposely find something that disagrees with your way of life, analyze it, and try and discover why someone else would think that way about you or your idealogies. In fact take the stance of arguing FOR IT rather than against it. If you don't, you'll never be more than a comfortable couch potato, waiting for someone to always agree with you. How boring.
I hope this post has offended you.
Then the next morning the Today show had an interview with Ron Howard and his movie adaption of "The DaVinci Code" starring Tom Hanks. It brought me back to the days of working in a certain Christian bookstore and seeing the surge of utter despair as this best seller was, as many felt, taking Christianity apart. Nevermind it's actually fiction. Nevermind this Christian community has done the EXACT SAME THING with Left Behind. I'll never forget talking with a customer in that store and she asked me about these books because she was so afraid this alternate point of view would make her son question his faith (as if that is a bad thing). I asked her if she read the Da Vinci Code and she said No. She asked if I had read it and I said Yes. She was ASTOUNDED. Her exact words were "You're the first believer I know who has read the book...what is it about???" The Christian community backlashed with so many books about "Breaking the Da Vinci" code, as if Christ needs to be defended against someone's imagination. We just couldn't stand seeing this book which, if you read it, does a very poor job of trying to dismantle Christianity (if that was really the author's intent, a debatable point) BECAUSE NO ONE TOOK THE TIME TO READ IT FOR WHAT IT WAS WORTH.
Here's my point. Christians often us the phrase "Jesus was offensive". True, he certainly was offensive. He offended every notion of what the Jewish society thought a Messiah would be and every notion the Gentile community though a God should be. We use this idea to propogate saying "Jesus is the only way to heaven", not back that up with Christ-like love, and then say it's OK to be offensive because Jesus was. (I'm not endorsing pluarlism here, just making a point). GET A GRIP. Christians can't stand being offended. If we are made fun of on television, we cry discrimination as if we have some sort of rights here to stake or claims in this country. How can we say its OK to offend everyone else but not be willing to be offended ourselves? Part of it is because we attach things to Christianity in America that are not Christian at all. Take Republicans. Some many Christians voted for Bush because he says he is a Christian. That's fine. I don't dispute that he is. But I would also say that there was not a single ounce of political motivation in Jesus' body. But then when someone tries to combine a Christian and a Democrat people SPAZ. When the evil CNN network talks about Bush it must be wrong. So when we attach to Christ that should not be so and they are consequently challenged, we get offended. That is our bad.
God offends me. He offends me because my very nature does not want Him to love. I want to live for myself, find success and pleasure as I see what fit best for me and yet Christ invites me to experience His glory and love first so that those aspects of my life will be focus on Him, not me. This is offensive to me because I want myself so bad, not Him. Daily I seek His control to reverse this dichotomy.
I dare you to be offended by someone else. I dare you to go out and purposely find something that disagrees with your way of life, analyze it, and try and discover why someone else would think that way about you or your idealogies. In fact take the stance of arguing FOR IT rather than against it. If you don't, you'll never be more than a comfortable couch potato, waiting for someone to always agree with you. How boring.
I hope this post has offended you.
Friday, February 10, 2006
The Black Hole of Sports
We've entered it an there is no going back because, well, no one that I know of has a time machine. Speaking of time machines: Back to Future should win an Oscar every year for being one of the best movies of all time.
Back to the topic at hand. This black hole that has surrounded us is the affectionate name of the time of the year between when football ends and baseball begins. What else do we have? Basketball??? Are you kidding? I'd rather drink a bucket of sand. Watch Sportscenter....all the top ten highlights are DUNKS. That is what basktball has come to: dunks. It's like "Match the shaped block with the right hole" for big kids. Then there is hockey. I have more respect for hockey for sure and I love going to Wild games, there is nothing like a hockey game live. But I must admit that I am a bandwagon hockey fan and it is just really hard to get into it for me. Plus those games occur once every couple of days.
So where do we go and how can we escape this black hole? Well there is no place to run until Feb 14th affectionately known all over the world as Pitchers & Catchers Report Day. Even then, there is not much action. Thank God for the World Baseball Classic, that should provide some pop between P&C Report day, spring training, and opening day. If anyone has any suggestions on surviving this hopeless time, please let me know.
Back to the topic at hand. This black hole that has surrounded us is the affectionate name of the time of the year between when football ends and baseball begins. What else do we have? Basketball??? Are you kidding? I'd rather drink a bucket of sand. Watch Sportscenter....all the top ten highlights are DUNKS. That is what basktball has come to: dunks. It's like "Match the shaped block with the right hole" for big kids. Then there is hockey. I have more respect for hockey for sure and I love going to Wild games, there is nothing like a hockey game live. But I must admit that I am a bandwagon hockey fan and it is just really hard to get into it for me. Plus those games occur once every couple of days.
So where do we go and how can we escape this black hole? Well there is no place to run until Feb 14th affectionately known all over the world as Pitchers & Catchers Report Day. Even then, there is not much action. Thank God for the World Baseball Classic, that should provide some pop between P&C Report day, spring training, and opening day. If anyone has any suggestions on surviving this hopeless time, please let me know.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
The Missing Links!
***Sorry for the lack of posting recently, blogspot was down over the weekend***
Just a quick word about some of these links I why I like them
Five Iron Frenzy = Greatest Band ever, hands down
Conan O'brien = Is probably my long lost cousin
Stuff + Cats = just try it, I dare you, one click on your hooked!
Ted Dekker = one of the best fiction authors I have read. Want to stay awake at night? Go pick up a copy of Thr3e.
Donald Miller = fantastic author who discusses life, love, and Jesus from a real person point of view. Not for those who are comfortable with where they are at.
Teen Girl Squad = Goodbye Smurfs, this is the best cartoon ever
Click on "This Guy Thinks He's Cool". It'll take you places you've never been....more specifically to the blog of my best man. Check it out, he has great ideas on life and faith as well. He occaisionally is funny, but he's really just very boring.
Just a quick word about some of these links I why I like them
Five Iron Frenzy = Greatest Band ever, hands down
Conan O'brien = Is probably my long lost cousin
Stuff + Cats = just try it, I dare you, one click on your hooked!
Ted Dekker = one of the best fiction authors I have read. Want to stay awake at night? Go pick up a copy of Thr3e.
Donald Miller = fantastic author who discusses life, love, and Jesus from a real person point of view. Not for those who are comfortable with where they are at.
Teen Girl Squad = Goodbye Smurfs, this is the best cartoon ever
Click on "This Guy Thinks He's Cool". It'll take you places you've never been....more specifically to the blog of my best man. Check it out, he has great ideas on life and faith as well. He occaisionally is funny, but he's really just very boring.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Superbowl Commercial Review
Funniest: Budweiser Streaker
Definitely received the most laughs at the party. Between the intensity of the massive horses facing off against each other and a number of different mountain animals glued to the action on the field, the shaved streaking sheep was a pink blur of hilarity. Also adding to the laughs were a classic butt shake and hip rotation. Certainly cute, hilarious, and appaling all at the same time. All of us were holding our guts.
Most Creative: Stunt City; Degree Deoderant
The funniest part mave have been right at the beginning when the guy, instead of opening his bathroom cupboard, punches a hole right through it to get at his deoderant. And so he enters the world of stunt city where people can only go about their lives dangerously. With cars driving downside up and people arriving at work through their ceiling, the actually (gasp!) advertised their product and did it creatively (unlike Bud Light commercials which make no beer-sense and just try to be funny).
Weirded Out: Hummer Lil' Monster
Ok, what the trash was this. I think the makers of hummer went a little to far here, insinuating that a larger than life robot could get it on with an apparently attractive female godzilla creature to create...the H3, Lil' Monster. Very creative, but way too weird. Also, what kind of message are they sending? I'll interpret it for you: buy an H3 and you'll have a monster that will destroy the earth by using all the available gas on one tank. 1 Highway mile, 0 City
Best Continuation From Last Year: Career Builder: Monkies and Donkies
As my buddy Mikey says, "Monkies are advertising gold". This commercial in the same vain as last year's spoof on employment by Career Builder does wonders by showing another office where the lady works with a bunch of jackasses instead of monkies. The best part is that the donkey's are wearing shirts and pants. Also hilarious was the boss monkey lighting a cigar using lit dollar bills. Anyone who has ever hated their job resonates with these adds.
Least laughs: Diet Pepsi w/ Diddy and Jay Mohr
I swear to you in a room of 15 people this commercial got 0 laughs.....that's a big phat ZERO. This commercial was so stupid you even felt bad that they subjected the emotionless Diet Pepsi can to it! Just further proof why Jay Mohr is not famous and why Diddy has had to change his name 17,658 times.
Most Predictable: Bud Light Roof Grillin'
Basically this ad says only moron boyfriends/husbands who pretend to be productive are the ones who drink Bud Light. Only the kind of guys who don't mind perpetuating the persona that males are lazy, selfish, unhelpful, and jerks are good enough to drink Bud Light. That is why I am drinking a Sam Adams right now I guess. This commercial was completely predictable and had almost as few laughs as Diet Pepsi
Dumbest: Cadillac: Runway
An Escalade rising from the liquid waters of the model's runway......and....that's it. I think this is saying that Cadillac Escalades, just like the clothes and the look that models model on the runway, are completely useless and stupid to the normal person. Only the snotiest and haughty person would be interested in those clothes, the same goes for the Escalade.
Most Entertaining: Bud Light: Magic Fridge
A combination of funny and creative. I know I just ripped other Bud Light commercials above, but this one everybody enjoys. It still speaks to how stupid the owner of the Magic Fridge is as he evidently hadn't noticed before that his fridge was missing beer when he brought it back to his apartment, but seeing 4 college-age dudes bow down to the fridge was pretty funny. This actually will also win the award for being the most annoying after tons of post-SuperBowl repetitive play.
To check out the rest of the adds, go to this link:
http://sports.aol.com/nfl/superbowlads
NEXT POST: The black-hole of sports
Definitely received the most laughs at the party. Between the intensity of the massive horses facing off against each other and a number of different mountain animals glued to the action on the field, the shaved streaking sheep was a pink blur of hilarity. Also adding to the laughs were a classic butt shake and hip rotation. Certainly cute, hilarious, and appaling all at the same time. All of us were holding our guts.
Most Creative: Stunt City; Degree Deoderant
The funniest part mave have been right at the beginning when the guy, instead of opening his bathroom cupboard, punches a hole right through it to get at his deoderant. And so he enters the world of stunt city where people can only go about their lives dangerously. With cars driving downside up and people arriving at work through their ceiling, the actually (gasp!) advertised their product and did it creatively (unlike Bud Light commercials which make no beer-sense and just try to be funny).
Weirded Out: Hummer Lil' Monster
Ok, what the trash was this. I think the makers of hummer went a little to far here, insinuating that a larger than life robot could get it on with an apparently attractive female godzilla creature to create...the H3, Lil' Monster. Very creative, but way too weird. Also, what kind of message are they sending? I'll interpret it for you: buy an H3 and you'll have a monster that will destroy the earth by using all the available gas on one tank. 1 Highway mile, 0 City
Best Continuation From Last Year: Career Builder: Monkies and Donkies
As my buddy Mikey says, "Monkies are advertising gold". This commercial in the same vain as last year's spoof on employment by Career Builder does wonders by showing another office where the lady works with a bunch of jackasses instead of monkies. The best part is that the donkey's are wearing shirts and pants. Also hilarious was the boss monkey lighting a cigar using lit dollar bills. Anyone who has ever hated their job resonates with these adds.
Least laughs: Diet Pepsi w/ Diddy and Jay Mohr
I swear to you in a room of 15 people this commercial got 0 laughs.....that's a big phat ZERO. This commercial was so stupid you even felt bad that they subjected the emotionless Diet Pepsi can to it! Just further proof why Jay Mohr is not famous and why Diddy has had to change his name 17,658 times.
Most Predictable: Bud Light Roof Grillin'
Basically this ad says only moron boyfriends/husbands who pretend to be productive are the ones who drink Bud Light. Only the kind of guys who don't mind perpetuating the persona that males are lazy, selfish, unhelpful, and jerks are good enough to drink Bud Light. That is why I am drinking a Sam Adams right now I guess. This commercial was completely predictable and had almost as few laughs as Diet Pepsi
Dumbest: Cadillac: Runway
An Escalade rising from the liquid waters of the model's runway......and....that's it. I think this is saying that Cadillac Escalades, just like the clothes and the look that models model on the runway, are completely useless and stupid to the normal person. Only the snotiest and haughty person would be interested in those clothes, the same goes for the Escalade.
Most Entertaining: Bud Light: Magic Fridge
A combination of funny and creative. I know I just ripped other Bud Light commercials above, but this one everybody enjoys. It still speaks to how stupid the owner of the Magic Fridge is as he evidently hadn't noticed before that his fridge was missing beer when he brought it back to his apartment, but seeing 4 college-age dudes bow down to the fridge was pretty funny. This actually will also win the award for being the most annoying after tons of post-SuperBowl repetitive play.
To check out the rest of the adds, go to this link:
http://sports.aol.com/nfl/superbowlads
NEXT POST: The black-hole of sports
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